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Intricate
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I need a miracle, save me.
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Hellu, it's been a long time since i've updated this site of mine. Kinda' had abandon it. Hehe. It's been the third month of the school and i guess i'm glad to say that i'm use to school life excluding those tiring and boring lessons that i've to attend every single day. What was worse is, i have to attend 3 periods of maths on every single friday that was really argh. Endure? Indeed, i had no choice but to endure. I can't give up.
As for my academics, flaturating indeed. Marks were ain't good as last year that applies to maths as well, sigh. I broke out crying in class upon receiving back my maths paper. & those who knows my marks were shocked outta' of their life and couldn't believe that i got those lousy marks. Yeah, indeed. Pretty bad result, ain't it? No ones shares the saddness with me. Understanding why am i in this plight? No, none. Friendship? I'm dealing with alot of friendship problems. No one understands how much i'd struggled. Why? Why must i the one who suffer so much over this kind of problems? Why! Is that a signal from god, that i'll have to leave her or i'm not a good friend towards her? HELP ME. Because' i'm sick and tired of all those craps, nonsense and obstacles i'm facing. Cus' they were not good at all, tough obstacles. I'm tired, i need to let go sooner or later. Don't regret.
  Hello! I've completed all my biannian with my relatives in just 2 days. Awesume. Not to admit that, this time round, there is a huge decrease of red packets as compared to last year! Yuuup, had fun with my cousinsz like seriously. They are effing cute! Just can't stop praising them, heh. And yes, i didn't win much when i gambled because i lost way too much! Luck wasn't with me! Sigh, !
In 10 minutes time, it will be 12 am! Hence, happy advance chinese new year to all the peeps' out there! I hope you will enjoy your day tomorrow! & I shall pray hard that it'll not be raining tomorrow! The sun must shine! Oh, yes. I had my annual heartwarming reunion dinner! We had abalone, shark fin, bird-nest and alot more. Awesume meal indeed! I love my family, !          I'm happy naozxc because of them that brightens up my day!
Sometimes, those feelings can't be express. Whats' more you want me to do?
I'm not a perfectionist but rather an imperfectionist.
 You got me all over. You make me felt that i'm a fool loving you so much and at the end, i guess you'd changed your luvvv. But, i'll never change my luvvv for you for i know i still luvvv you alot alot just like last year. I don't care how much you luvv me nao, i just want you to know that, i still lovee you. It's real, its true. My feelings are true. I'm not joking at all, fyi! You may find your new luvvv, but remember me! We once had so much together. We'd alot of misunderstandings with one another but we cleared up in the end. Though we're not like before, so close. But, i'm glad that, we're still friends after so much things happened between us. Throughout all those stuffs that happen, i've learnt one lesson. I get to know you better. I'm sorry that i've causes you unhappiness but still i meant no intention of hurting you. Run baby run, don't look back anymore! Carry on with your life and bring me along. I want to cling with you as for nao.
 Once again, i'm starting to have problems in my life. Seriously. At times, i just wants to commit suicide to end my life, end my torture. But i know i can't after i've fulfill my wish. I want to collect alot of pictures to publish my one and only photography book though i'm not qualify. Thank you this blog for listening to me though i know you are not a human. You can't give me advise. But at least you were there for me to vent my anger. I'm having friendships problems, mind you. Not boy girl relationship. & my head went booomzx. I've enough of all this nonsense. No one understands how i felt, no one has ever put themselve into my shoes. No one has ever what happen to me? No one has ever understands what am i thinking nevertheless no one has ever take time, slow down the pace and talk to me. We were just like a bullet trains moving as fast as possible just to reach our destination. & in the end, i'm just following blindly. You move, i move. You stop, i stop. My life is like imintating other's life in some way or another. When will you, this bullet train, ever slow down the pace and interact with me, this friend of yours? You zoom like nobody business and you didn't notice me. Enough. Friend, i've cause you unhappiness. Sorry. Thanks for those tortures you gave me, i guess it was a revenge. I'm in my wits end, i'm breaking down soon. Yes, i am. Believe it or not, up to you. Because everything i say, i don't think you'll believe me as if i'm a big liar but i'm not. The truth is all in this blog. You can choose not to believe me, you can believe me. Once again, i'm not a liar. To be exact, all those cold tones from your conversation really give me those annoying shirk despite the fact that i'm putting my effort in replying with an enthusisatic tone. I don't think you'll appreciate right? I guess to you, i'm just an entertainer. The one that has to entertains people like a bloody fool. Nothing more than that.
 You text me yesterday and i was really surprised. I didn't expect that you'll text me because of yesterday incident. And eventually, you did sms me. So, you gave in to me, ain't you? I guess you were giving in to me. But that was my guessing. But i was really glad that you had sms me last night. Though we had a sarcasm conversation all the way. Perhaps, just this sarcasm conversation narrow our relationship. Basically, i felt that, those few weeks we've not been meeting up had cause our relationship to be drifiting away. Thus, through those sms i hope it'll narrow our relationship. However, it fails. Upon not narrowing our relationship, but it cause a hell of it to our relationship. Drifting further and further little than i expected. Don't you agree? But today, i texted you. You didn't replied me for the whole day. Questions run through my mind. I wonder did you text me just because you were bored yesterday? A temporary conversation to kill your time. Well, i don't think that all this bothers you. I may be in a wrong of wondering this kind of stuffs. I need those secure. I'm human being, i have feelings, i've thoughts. I am those paronoid kind of people. If you don't reply me, i felt something is wrong. I felt you're ignoring me. I don't know why i've those feelings. But i am sure that i'm not like this when i'm in my primary school where i'm so happy each day or whatever shit. Your lil bits of stuff i've remembered. Your love notes, i've been keeping it. Every love notes, i would say. I didn't bear to throw away. I've the most memorable memories with you this year. & just a few weeks of not meeting up, our relationship getting futher and further till we've to be like a stranger in a room for few hours. You joke, you prank. Every prank, i've forgiven you though i got super fed up and reply you with a diao face. I meant you can prank on me. But don't prank on those big issue. I got a shock out of my life. Don't you agree? You joke, i didn't know when to believe you. But still, i believe your every words, 100% issue. Did i say, 'Sorry, but i don't know when to trust you' or those shits? I didn't. I still believe you because i know you were a good friend of me. I trust you like there's no tomorrow. I trust you like my close ones. I often trust too much that i got betray unknowingly. Yes, call me a loser. I'm always a loser in friendship. Never a winner. Never once.
I can't let go every moments i've with you. Never. You can let go all those memories, moments i spent with you. But i can't. Because it has etched deeply in my heart, my mind. |
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